Requiescat in Pace Robin Williams (07/21/1951 – 08/11/2014)

8-14-2014 11-21-36 AM

‘I set my sail
Fly the wind, it will take me
Back to my home, sweet home

Lie on my back
Clouds are making way for me
I’m coming home, sweet home

I see your star
You left it burning for me
Mother, I’m here

Eyes open wide
Feel your heart and it’s glowing
I’m welcome home, sweet home

I take your hand
Now you’ll never be lonely
Not when I’m home, sweet home

I see your star
You left it burning for me
Mother, I’m here’

‘Mother, I’m Here’ Darren Korb – Bastion (Original Soundtrack)

‘Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy; he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rims at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar?’ (Hamlet, V.i)

Yesterday a man of outstanding talent and never ending wit took his own life.  Robin Williams lost his fight with depression and addiction.  Those that say depression is something to just get over are fucking liars.

It is truly a sad thing when a person, a human being has reached a point where death is the only answer.  If this is you and you have found your way here please remember that you are in fact not alone there are people in the world that do care and want to help you.  Please call them.

Around the World

Lifeline

The Trevor Project

My thoughts go out to his family, they have suffered an enormous loss.

Here is a brief list of his accomplishments:

2015 Absolutely Anything (post-production)
2014 Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (post-production)
2014 Merry Friggin’ Christmas (post-production)
2014 The Angriest Man in Brooklyn
2014 Boulevard
2013-2014 The Crazy Ones (TV Series)
2013 Robin Williams in Multiple Exposures (Short)
2013 The Face of Love
2013 Lee Daniels’ The Butler
2013 The Big Wedding
2012 Louie (TV Series)
2012 Wilfred (TV Series)
2011 Happy Feet Two
2009 Old Dogs
2009 Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
2009 I World’s Greatest Dad
2009 Shrink
2008 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (TV Series)
2007 August Rush
2007 License to Wed
2006 Night at the Museum
2006 Happy Feet
2006 Man of the Year
2006 Everyone’s Hero
2006 RV
2006 The Night Listener
2005 The Big White
2005 Robots
2004 Noel
2004 House of D
2004 The Final Cut
2003 Life with Bonnie (TV Series)
2003 Freedom: A History of Us (TV Series documentary)
2002 Insomnia
2002 Death to Smoochy
2002 One Hour Photo
2001 A.I. Artificial Intelligence
1999 Bicentennial Man
1999 Jakob the Liar
1999 L.A. Doctors (TV Series)
1998 Disney’s Math Quest with Aladdin (Video Game)
1998 Patch Adams
1998 What Dreams May Come
1998 One Saturday Morning (TV Series)
1997 Great Minds Think for Themselves (TV Series)
1997 Good Will Hunting
1997 Flubber
1997 Deconstructing Harry
1997 Fathers’ Day
1997 Friends (TV Series)
1996 Hamlet
1996 The Secret Agent
1996 Aladdin and the King of Thieves (Video)
1996 Jack
1996 The Birdcage
1995 Jumanji
1995 Aladdin on Ice (TV Movie)
1995 To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar
1995 Nine Months
1994 In Search of Dr. Seuss (TV Movie)
1994 Being Human
1994 Homicide: Life on the Street (TV Series)
1993 Mrs. Doubtfire
1992-1994 The Larry Sanders Show (TV Series)
1992 Toys
1992 Aladdin
1992 From Time to Time (Short)
1992 FernGully: The Last Rainforest
1991 Rabbit Ears: The Fool and the Flying Ship (Video short)
1991 A Wish for Wings That Work (TV Short)
1991 Hook
1991 The Fisher King
1991 Shakes the Clown
1991 Dead Again
1990 Awakenings
1990 Cadillac Man
1989 Dead Poets Society
1988 Portrait of a White Marriage
1988 Rabbit Ears: Pecos Bill (Video)
1988 The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
1987 Jonathan Winters: On the Ledge (TV Movie)
1987 Good Morning, Vietnam
1987 Dear America: Letters Home from Vietnam (TV Movie documentary)
1986 Seize the Day
1986 Club Paradise
1986 The Best of Times
1984 Pryor’s Place (TV Series)
1984 Moscow on the Hudson
1983 The Survivors
1982 SCTV Network (TV Series)
1982 Mork & Mindy/Laverne & Shirley/Fonz Hour (TV Series)
1982 Faerie Tale Theatre – The Tale of the Frog Prince (TV Series)
1982 The World According to Garp
1980 Popeye
1979 Out of the Blue (TV Series)
1978-1982 Mork & Mindy (TV Series)
1978-1979 Happy Days (TV Series)
1978 America 2-Night (TV Series)
1977 Eight Is Enough (TV Series)
1977 Laugh-In (TV Series)
1977 The Richard Pryor Show (TV Series)
1977 Can I Do It ‘Till I Need Glasses?

Dancing in the Rain

Hopefully this journal finds an audience, however considering the current state of the world that seems entirely unlikely.  A downer to be sure, but despite everything that has happened I hope that someone reads these words.  It has started to rain…

There was a time in my life where I loved the rain.  Nothing could make me happier than to listen to the rain fall while I lay in bed.  To raise my face to the sky and feel the water dance on my skin.  The way that after a rain storm almost everything had been erased, that we all got a chance to start over with a clean slate.  A tabula rasa.

Now, well, no one enjoys the sound of falling rain.  No one raises their faces to feel the water dance on their skin.  No one takes a stroll in the rain, well that isn’t entirely true, no one comes back from a walk in the rain.

As a child I remember hearing environmentalists screaming about what we as a species  were doing to the planet.  The hot button issue in those days was acid rain.  That years of unregulated industrial pollution have added all sorts of nasty things to the atmosphere which eventually gets caught by the rain and dumped on us.  I imagine all of those hysterics are feeling a warm glow of “I told you so” right about now.  Although I think only the really extreme ones would be feeling thrilled about the current state of affairs.

I am rambling, I have been having a really hard time sleeping.  If there were a mental health specialist available I am sure they would diagnose me with a healthy case of survivors guilt.  Fuck.  Well I will try to organize my thoughts as much as I can.

The end started around lunch time on a Tuesday.  The morning had started as a grey day.  Everyone was expecting rain and tried to dress accordingly.  The strange thing about this day was how wide an area the clouds covered but of course no one really noticed this until a few days after it stopped raining.

There were roughly 310,000,000 people in the United States before it started to rain that day.  No one is quite sure exactly how many people were outside when the rain started to fall, but within about an hour 100,000,000 people were dead.  Within a week the population of the world went from 3,000,000,000 to a little over 800,000,000.  Well within a few months as you can probably imagine the population had a fairly steady decline.

I used to remember about making jokes about how many people killed themselves because of the rain.  I don’t laugh about it anymore.

Can you imagine the sound of 100,000,000 people dying all at once?  Painfully dying?  For the short amount of time that we had some left, the experts could not agree on how or why the rain changed to what it is now.  Now the rain is truly acid.  100,000,000 people melted in the street at roughly the same time.

A short time later the bombs started to fall.  The surviving governments didn’t take a long time to start pointing fingers at each other and those that still had nuclear weapons… well a few got used.  Not enough to destroy the world and put the survivors out of their misery.  As a child I remember reading about nuclear winter and how any survivors of a nuclear holocaust would suffer because of how much material would be suspended in the atmosphere.

I never thought I would ever live to actually experience it.

Well, needless to say those that survived have not had it easy.  Every day more and more people simply cannot find the energy to continue.  More and more people cannot find a good reason to wake up and carry on.  More and more people choose to “dance in the rain”.

I can’t remember the first time I heard that expression.  Once upon a time I was known for my dark sense of humor but even I couldn’t have dreamed up such a wonderfully dark joke.  I am having a tough time recalling all the people I used to know that chose to dance.  These days it is becoming harder to simply find anyone to be with.  I can’t remember how many days have passed since I have spoken to anyone other than myself.

Dammit, I have to stop doing that.  If I dwell on the loneliness it becomes harder to pull myself out of the spiral of depression.

For a time people tried to find each other.  It was easier to handle everything with shoulders to cry and lean upon.  But as with everything, human nature rears its ugly little head.  Groups started to prey upon each other because they had a safer place to live.  They have more food and clean water than we do.  Those people have electricity…

Fuck, I do miss my ipod.  Music, music would help so much right now.

Well after a while I said fuck it and struck out on my own.  Traveling is really hard, there are days that pass where I cannot move at all because of the rains.  Days without rain are becoming more and more rare.  As are dry places to rest.  I know a few people who have banded together and chose to live underground.  It isn’t a bad idea, but something about it just doesn’t work for me.  It seems to much like they are justing simply giving up and are waiting to die.  I think they are simply one small hurricane away from being euthanized.

Someone I had the honor of spending some time with had an interesting idea.  She was heading towards the mountains.  Her idea was to find a mine or a cave to live in. It would provide her with a dry place to live and still have access to the outside for when it was not raining.  I don’t know what happened to her, we spent about a week traveling together and then one day she was gone.  Sadly this is the way of things now.  People will occasionally cross each others paths.  Sometimes you spend time together, sometimes you avoid each other.  Either way we no longer spend a significant length of time with other people.

Too much time alone was not considered a healthy thing back before the rains.

I spent quite a lot of time by myself before, so it hasn’t been quite as hard for me as it has for others.  In some ways I am luckier than most, but well it isn’t getting any easier.  Some company would at least help the time pass.

Since I don’t have a better destination the mountains seem like a good idea.  I have to admit I am really trying to simply find her.  I have maddening hints as to which mountains she is heading for.  The maps I have are pretty ragged and obviously the old road signs are few and far between.

I have been stuck under this over pass for three days now.  I am running low on canned food and well, water is obviously an issue.  There are no signs of the weather letting up, I keep having this sneaking suspicion that I will be stuck here.

Listening to the rain…

Maybe I will find signs of her.

Maybe it will stop raining.

Maybe I will write more tomorrow.

I keep having this dream that I am dancing…